no more psuedo philosphy (actually a lot more since i'm doing KI now, haha) and freaking fake french talking. man, can't believe i did that. idiot. welcome anwyay to a whole new take, a whole new me. (can't believe i said that).
whatever man. enjoy.
Awhile ago, I posted some pictures of nice memories and the people dear to me. AND I completely left out (really unintentionally, cos I had intended to put them in) my lovely cell matees. AND, really it's such a crime cos' these are the people who really watch out and care for me, especially our crazy cell leader RACHael! I And (in no particular order) the rest; Aikey thanks since the beginning cos when I came to YA as a non-member of YM (like after stepping down from comm), you really became a friend and like a brother to me!; Lukey for the times since being in Gabsy's cell till now, for being my granduncle and you really are one hell of an uncle; Nic, it's weird seeing you as a cell member, but as a friend and a sister, you're real dear to me and hopefully we haven't lost all the great memories these many years!; Gaisu, well you always be my first best friend for those many childhood years and it's been great knowing your crazy self all these years; Joseph for your bald NS commando head and for the times where you seem to be somewhat fatherly, other than that... just kidding; Alena, for your great sense of wit and lovely bone structure, haha, and for all the things I think we share in common; Rachel and your awesome encouraging spirit; Isaac, my first ever mentor and all that, thanks for everything these years and without you, you know what would have happened, thanks so much dude, and thats really an understatement yeah. AND those not in the picture and those who were in the cell before, thanks for making cell sucha wonderful place to be in and really like my second family. (AW, I'm like so mushy I can't believe it)
I don't really read chain-mails; usually just delete them, but my inner geek somehow had some provocation to go ahead, and this is pretty cool.
Beauty of Math!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9 12 x 8 + 2 = 98 123 x 8 + 3 = 987 1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876 12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765 123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654 1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543 12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11 12 x 9 + 3 = 111 123 x 9 + 4 = 1111 1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111 12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111 123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111 1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111 12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111 123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88 98 x 9 + 6 = 888 987 x 9 + 5 = 8888 9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888 98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888 987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888 9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888 98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888 Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry: 1 x 1 = 1 11 x 11 = 121 111 x 111 = 12321 1111 x 1111 = 1234321 11111 x 11111 = 123454321 111111 x 111111 = 12345654321 1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321 11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321 111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this... 101% >From a strictly mathematical viewpoint: What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to.
GIVE OVER 100%. How about ACHIEVING 101%? What equals 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you: L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D 12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
UBER GEEKNESS right? (cool, but I think someone out there doesn't have a life)
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Well, this two weeks have been great. I was walking to school the other day with Rachel, and I thought of this theory about school life. For every two great (meaning slack) weeks, follows two intense weeks. And as stupid as it sounds, it's been quite true for the past month plus so far, and will stay true for the next two weeks. The first two weeks I realized this trend, was really sucky because work was piling up like crazy and it was in the midst of Selection Camp. But the two weeks following that, which includes this week, was pure bliss. There was like ONE test, and so little homework; like as in normal workload but I managed to complete all my assignments and thus not owe any teacher anything. However, as with the Parent Meet Teacher meeting repercussions, my new timetable (which I like had to write for myself) really sucks; four papers this week and loads of work to do (like 4 Econs essay outline, and so on). So oh well, it's like 22 days more to the holidays. And some how, my teachers mostly seem nicer. WOW.
I'm Peranakan, and proud to be so. I was in the you-know-where doing you-know-what and reading the Today papers, when I happened to come across a little column featuring PERANAKANS, sparked by the recent opening of the Peranakan Museum at Armenian Street. So a little background history of me. Both my mum (confirmed, double confirmed) and my dad (as far as he knows, he's kinda sure, but it's a bit too shady cos' he was brought up by his aunt) are Peranakans, and so is my brother (duh), cousins, grandparents (except one grandma I think), and so on. We are the quintessential Peranakan family, all except one thing, we don't eat Peranakan food at home. Now my mum is Peranakan Chinese-Malay; my Grandpa has Peranakan blood but is considered Malay, while my Grandma is the Peranakan exception. Unfortunately my mum only cooks Western, and I do really mean only. So all we eat (under her) is pasta, and the likes. My dad on the other hand is like so traditionally Chinese, and he cooks pretty good Chinese, though he mainly only cooks Chili Crab because he's quite lazy to cook. So till now, no Peranakan food (except occasional eat outs, and surprisingly my maternal Grandma's cooking. We have good belachan though). How sad is that right?
But anyway, I found the article really cool cos' it rang so so true. Cos of the foodie thing, I always felt not-very Peranakan even though I really do wear it loudly on my sleeve. But the article is so awesome, cos' it spelt out some common characteristics and behaviors of Peranakans and I felt like I was looking at a literary mirror.
1. "But some say Peranakans have unique features, such as bigger eyes, sharper facial features and a darker complexion that most Chinese". So a general no to the first and third, but a loud yes to the second. While I'm obviously sorely lacking in the anime-eyes department, my eyes can be extended to quite a large proportion, so we could count that as a half? As for the second feature, well, I myself think I have quite sharp features and in this case especially my eyes and cheeks. And I guess it's true cos' I remember a few years back when I told this older lady that I was Peranakan, she replied that she had thought so because of my sharp features. As for the third, I'm so freaking white la. But I think this is probably due to my Grandma cos' she, my mum, closest cousin and closest uncle are like almost albino la and contrastingly, my dad, brother and Grandpa are pretty dark. So fair is fair eh?
2."babas are truly mama's boys""They are all spoilt""Until today, all Peranakan men are lazy. They behave like kings." True.
3."Behind the veneer of propriety and solid work ethic, the Peranakans of yore were genuine party animals". Kinda parallels how guai and law-abiding I am in school, and like doing so much work in the SC, and yet to an extent being able to party still. (Not that I party la, but I mean have like loads of crazy fun)
4. "Young descendants speaks Singlish, English and a smattering of Mandarin (a totally-alien language to them)". SO so true. SO if you think you had it hard for Chinese, think about me! I guess my mum was still part of the older generation, cos she and my dad both speak "baba patois" (which is a Malay-based language that includes a bit of Hokkien) and so Mandarin was so totally "alien" for me. It was like my mum had no basic idea, that when I went to kindergarten, she had to pick up Mandarin along the way so that she could teach me. Even my stupid Chinese name which is so like a girl's, was given by my mum's ex (who became a really good friend)'s grandfather, who like took my name out of the dictionary based on nice meanings. Thanks a lot genius. Haha, anyway I got an E for Chinese! YAY!
5. "Their tendency to speak fast and their uncanny ability to swiftly change topics when they talk." Check. I guess if you know me, you would have probably encountered instances where I just mumble at lightspeed where no one understands me. And proving the second point, I would then change the topic. Haha. Love this point. Allows me to talk to myself without looking crazy. Haha.
6. "Occasionally, one has to mind-read as well". This is due to our tendency to think that the people we are talking to can hear or know our thoughts and then we talk to them on this assumption. Haha, especially in KI, WC always says that I tend to jump my thoughts; like when I was talking about Point 1, then I would think of counters and alternate views, then jump to like point 5 where I reach a conclusion on my part, and start talking about it like everyone knew the in-betweens. I must admit this is quite funny, cos' I had no idea that I was doing that at all till he told me. Haha, but I think my ability to mind-read is pretty poor as compared to my parents, cos' they love to say things out of a sudden like " You know the one that I met the other day when I was coming home..." and I would be like "what one"? But somehow like everyone else except my brother and I can like totally communicate seamlessly without asking "who is that". I'm like ! each time that happens.
Well I guess this was pretty boring for most other people, but I think I had fun doing it and analyzing myself as a Peranakan. And at the end of it all, I guess I do feel and behave like a Peranakan. Woohoo to us!
Today was Sports Day, and I guess the fact that it would be my last Sports Day made me think of the people in my life, and how I would be so much (?) if I didn't have them. Short of emo, I took it as an opportunity to tinker around more with Photoshop. I know it doesn't look much but well, some were taken on my phone, so yeah, it's at best as it can get. And if you aren't here in any of the pictures, or you belong to a group but are not in, just know (so that I don't make too many enemies, haha) that I might have thought of you, haha.
Well, of course, what would I do without my class, oh class. 07A06 forever yeah. Even IF we come last, you're (one of the) first in my heart, and said with no irony.
Part of the 30th Student Council, I'm glad I got these people running beside me in the Exco, and especially the guys, and how we get along so well with our half-brother Amanda, haha. And yes, remember the "toilet break" on SC Bonding Day at Sentosa (top)?
My first-three-months-BFFs. (Top, LTR) Mas, Debbie and Me. Remember those good old days? And representing the rest of our ginormous clique, (Bottom, LTR) Liz, Shawn and Ning. Nat, if you see this, remember that YOU have to get our reunion organized, haha.
(Top, LTR) Wai Ying, Xiu Wen, Shaun, Chin Meng and Me plus not in picture Verine in KL. They represent the rest of the SC, and the great times we spent together. And of course not forgetting Calvin and Joseph, and the rest. The Bottom picture is of course of my beloved alma mater, and my class 4E. The sweet memories.
My bestie in school, Mr Yap Wei Chiang. Thanks a bunch. And at the Bottom, is childhood (lover) playmate Gracie-kins. Not only for our great friendship, but for everyone else in our huge clique; Gaius, the Bens, Nelkai, Vaness, Nicole, and the rest. Thank God for great friends through the years. It's been a great many years knowing you guys!!!
And of course Family. Though we aren't exactly the closest of close anymore, i'm glad to see you guys around still and well, it's memories isn't it.
" So the time to do something is now, before you get bogged down, you know, like a life".
" Scratch that biological and sexual need. Safely, please."
" Become the ripple in the poisonous political pond that we are currently living in."
" So Robert F Kennedy said that. They killed him, so it goes."
And so it goes. Well of course, wake our generation up from the mindless business as usual. "I'm f*cking disappointed in you". So while he goes on being f-ing disappointed with our generation miles away in the Land of Liberty, I can't but help see the glaring parallels right here in our sunny little island. Other than that, it's kinda (surprisingly), too controversial for my small little mind to have any comment on. Enjoy, and get outraged/bored/disillusioned/inspired/pissed off/influenced. (I currently feel all of the above, so I've conveniently decided not to air my views)
And " I stay in so you can go out" so doesn't cut it.
On the other hand. Here is a video response that represents my other half of my thoughts. He kinda talks in a pretty retarded slow manner. But he makes sense, so listen.
Yeah, I only don't agree the "do it civilly" or "talk to leaders" and especially "write congress". Yeah and that's so gonna help. But of course, what's the "solution"?
"If you wanna get laid, go to a club". Haha. And this other video response is hilarious. I think here is the solution. Haha.
And something uber unrelated but utterly hilarious.
This could sum up our generation I guess.
"If he's gonna come in here, he's gonna kick my ass... Then I can kick his ass".
Happy studying people of the Block Test Zero One. It is two more days to go, woo to the hoo.
I'm not sure whether its cause the impending exams or because I just trashed my computer opponents in a game of hearts (with 0 score no less), I feel in a rather rant-y mood .Take it as an assessment of life (mine in particular) since the beginning of the year. (DISCLAIMER:It's not all rants LAH. )( And it might be a bit childish or whatever, but I guess I need some place to get a load off my chest)( And And no deep musings/philosophical tidbits here, only real and honest narration) .
This year has sucked. Somewhat different, on so many levels. I've been called arrogant (by a teacher no less), made a new best friend, gotten admirer(s), got lost in love's conundrum and the list goes on. Not all are bad. Not all are good.
On the plus, WC is my new best mate, and of cos' there are certain connections to be made there (which the four of us know only). My love life (if there ever was one) is in the boondocks; terribly stale and stagnant. Imagine opening the fridge and smelling the deep pungence of expired milk/cheese/dairy product is probably the fragrance of said love life. Though there are many more new "eye candies" this year, I often feel more like a horny bastard in regaling my tales of interests to said best mate. Girls do abound in SA, and of course according to our very dear Mrs Tan, "it is for the male gaze". Chauvinistic as it may seem and sound, who doesn't appreciate a pretty face?
That said, it's been an entire conundrum as aforementioned. Too many flirts, too little love. The idea of rejection is a sore point I wish not to relive, and of course my life's tangle with commitment is one which I do not desire. Love is such an abstract concept for me, always have and always will be. I rarely feel loved and even rarely feel that I have loved. Both probably because of my jaded insensitivities, and numbed senses. I experience joy, pain, humiliation, anger and so on; but these base feelings are superficial and simple. Those that I crave (makes me sound like a perverted and desperate deviant) elude me. Of course, one could put in down to not trying much, and not putting effort into the situation at hand. But I guess, it's hard to take down so many layers and levels of walls put up for so long. Walls of past hurt, walls of insecurities, walls of resentment and walls of fear. Hitler would never be able to invade my heart.
And yes said teacher who made a groundless remark about me is of course our Other dear Lit. teacher. "You come off arrogant and proud, for someone who has nothing to be proud of". This rant is not out of resentment or whatever, but more of the larger issue at hand. This teacher and many others such as my History teachers are quite unbelievably my teachers. They are biased and prejudiced. This may seem such an offhand and groundless remark but trust me, it is no based on initial impressions, or the fact that they seem to have a bone to pick with me always. Reason being? I'm a Councilor. A god-damned bloody Councilor. With a capital C mind you. One said History teacher forewarned of the dangers of trying out for it, way before I even campaigned; a nice little scolding no less with his finger in my face mostly. Now I don't deny the "higher standards" that we should aim to achieve; but the bias and prejudice towards us are quite simply ridiculous and completely groundless. Even harmless teachers with harmless statements like "You must learn to cope with the busyness of Council activities and schoolwork". Advice, yes. Biased, of course. Now you may deem me biased for saying so, and of course I am. I'm a Councilor, and a "victim" here, so of course I'm bloody bias. But there is of course a tu quoque fallacy and we shall look deeper into the matter at hand of which I shall try to finally justify my stand. Take this case study. In the month of January, after Orientation, I (not speaking on the behalf of the entire council) have nothing much to do with Council work and all. In fact, nothing to do at all. However, it's wondrous to see how said teachers are able and without facts blame everything on heavy council activities. Furthermore, the event/occasion of which they are scolding/advising me is regarding issues that everyone, and I repeat everyone faces. But their biased and prejudiced manners on which they pin everything on to us, whether groundless or not, is quite unbecoming of teachers, who are expected to be impartial and having their facts. But instead, said teachers bitch about me in front of other teachers, who then without even having taught me or even come into contact with me, make groundless remarks about my character. Firstly, is it their jobs to be talking about my character in such a manner? Secondly, like what our Other Lit.teacher did finally realize is that she and the others don't know me. Thirdly, arrogance should not be mistaken for confidence. The former is the offensive display of superiority or self-importance, while the latter is the self-assurance of one's abilities. I know what I can and cannot do, and do not offensively display my superiority (if I even am "superior". I do think I'm a bit of an elitist though, but I guess in some particular areas only). Now, I here admit that sometimes I may appear proud and all, but I guess it's a misreading of overbearing confidence that arises out of insecurity. Like Nica (yes our lit. books are so very applicable), I often do feel the need to assert myself; in turn reassuring myself of myself. I know I'm definitely not an academic person, and I never even try to assert myself as one. So in what way would these teachers have reason to find fault with me, and deem me arrogant? So without being overly dismissive, I guess I just gotta watch myself more and at the same time not give a damn about these foos.
On the much brighter side of my life, there have been some romantic engagements these year. Admirers are one thing, so of course I'm looking for a more intimate and personal relationship. But because I have no idea how to face these admirers, (one because I have no idea why they like me, and second it's kinda embarrassing. not that I'm not flattered, but you know.) and because I just need a shoulder to cry on, or laugh together, this is a call-out to all interested applicants to call 1900-SAVE-EMMANUEL. On a more serious note, I do hope to get a special someone this year. Because even among all the friends, I do feel lonely sometimes. In the words of George my great ex- classmate and schoolmate now, "This void seems occasionally filled yet forever empty".
I do love my life. It's just that sometimes, it doesn't like me that much in return.
well i decided to get a bit lighter in spirit and be more positive and changed to a somewhat gay-er blogskin, in both of its meanings. i don't really like the orange-green parts, like some primary school color pencil but oh well, at least its a nice picture.
This song sums up the entirety of my goal this year. I'm quite sick of pointless arguments and meaningless debates. The futility of it all irritates/frustrates me. I mean for the love of god, shut the hell up if you have nothing to contribute and quit it with all those senseless, insensitive comments.
On the plus side, i will be less defensive aggressive. So tolerance is now my virtue.
I've realised all too recently the naive-ness of my people-relations belief. When i was much younger, i used to NOT have any people i disliked/hated and all that, and i thought that how great it was to be in that state of mind. But, how wishful was that thinking. I know it's such a pessimistic thing to say, but somehow maybe that's how life is. I've realised the list of people i dislike (none that i hate, yet?) have been growing longer. And the similarities between some of them do seem to suggest that i dislike certain characteristics and i'm predisposed to dislike the person. The following is a list of types of people i dislike, ranked in order of most disliked and so on. So before i shut up for the rest of the year, here is my tirade.
1. The Feminist, who is ultra-feministic and favourite sayings are "There are no cute boys in school AT ALL" and "OMG, are they like blind" (when relating to them that another girl likes you). I mean, what the hell. They are firstly not even the least pretty or good-looking, but have high high expectations for their counterparts. They ones i know, are short, very average-looking, whiny and feministic. And here they are dissing the entire male school population, as if they deserved better looks-wise. And and, regarding the second comment, what the hell too. Are they like jealous or something? Maybe they have never had someone crushing on them before. I mean i could go one forever, but in cases where i get insulted, i feel the nagging need to retaliate, and it is usually not very nice. And from then on, these little girls go on to complain to their gal pals in like fashions - *sniff sniff * " Emmanuel said i was uh-gly. Like omg, i'm like so hurt and all you know. I, was like so nice to him, and here he comes like..." Irritants i say. These girls are usually from All-Girls Schools. [If you know me well, (due to my Victorian heritage) i'm quite an advocate of single-sex secondary schools. We are USUALLY quite opinionated and more out-going than the run-of-the-mill kind of other students. There is no elitism in this statement as even neighbourhood single-sex schools produce similar people, so intelligence/academics is no factor. I believe it's the dynamics of the single-sex environment that makes people more open and interactive. This is not saying there are no people like these in mixed schools, and that mixed school students are no fun. Rather i think single-sex students are usually more loyal to their school, have stronger school spirit, etc] Anyway, the point is, i can't believe that these girls are so narrow-minded and socially retarded. It's like they studied in a nunnery or something and never seen a guy before.
2. The Insecure. Disclaimer before i go on : these are extreme cases. People in this category are constantly in need of assurance. They are often think that they're not good enough and incapable, etc. Self-deprecation is funny and all, but there is a limit to that. Take this example. This guy, called Sam (name has been changed, etc.) who is in many a girl opinion, is quite good-looking. After meeting one of The Feminists who put him down by saying that she felt he wasn't all that good-looking and couldn't see why so many girls like him, he started to mope around. He has no self-confidence, and always asks people to reassure him whether he did good or not. He always says he is not capable enough and etc., but in actual fact does well in them. Irritants too i say. I mean occasional reassurance is fine, cos' we are humans after all. But the constant need to do so, is quite a drain in our friendship. I mean i do like this guy and all, a bit boring but still not bad company. We are reasonably quite close, but his complete lack of self-confidence is quite a irritance. Argh.
3. The Pretentious. This fella is always trying to assert himself as a party-animal and that he is like so havoc and all. Whatever. They love to make themselves seem better and cooler than you, whether in action or speech. A typical conversation would go like this. Me: Argh, i'm so tired. This lecture is so boring. The Pretentious (TP): Really, what time did you sleep. You CAN'T be more tired than me. Me: I slept like at 1. TP: That's like so early! I mean i was awake till like 4. Me: Erm ok. TP: Did you do anything on Sat? Me: Nothing much. I just like lazed around, and then went to Church. TP: You have no life man. I was like partying and all. Have you gone clubbing before? ME: (trying to joke) Yeah, country clubs. TP: Ha ha. You've never? Man, you are so not fun. Me: *snores People like this love reassert themselves as better/cooler than you. I do love to staying out late, and who doesn't tell their friends that their are so tired during a boring lecture? The part which gets me most is the thinking that someone can never be cooler than them : You CAN"T be more tired than me. Hello, firstly, how do you know that? You are NOT me, so you can't know how tired i am. And secondly, why does sleeping late make you cool? In our generation, we love to compare or compete who sleeps later, but so? Does that make you a better person? Does it make you better looking? NO. So just shut it with the comparisons, especially in the i-am-so-much-better-than-you tone.
Well these are the three most dislike people in my life. If you wondering, yes they are from my school, in my level. Not gonna embaress them by revealing their names, cos i'm not such an asshole, but if you are observant enough, you could tell them out easily. And and, if i'm ever guilty of any of these three, or rather the second two, please DO not be afraid to tell me in my face ok. Cos' as much as i don't want to be a hypocrite, sometimes we are so blind to our flaws, like these three people.
Anyway, here is me, throwing away my verbal skills. I might still joke, take part in discussions, and carry on intelligent conversations. But hear me when i say i won't entertain your meaningless convesations.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
ZOMG this is so good!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Yes i know its been a long time. Anyway, i was you-tubing and decided to, instead of the usual great female singers, celebrate the voices of man. yeah yeah whatver. anyway this are some great songs and voices of guys.
Cos i love Hannah Montana. This is the acoustic version of "See you again". His voice is real dreamlike.
This is half-counted. Its the same guy as above singing, but with this chick Sophie Hiller doing back-up. Its awesome. I love the song by the way.
One of my favorite songs. The guy has a huge mouth
De toi a moi. Just so you know. Yes its Jesse McCartney. I stumbled upon this and thought their voices complement real well, and i love the frenchlanguage thing.
life is seriously quite shitty right now. only God knows how many times and people i've complained to about how i hate everything that is going on right now. if not for my penchance for brighter colours now, i would seriously be so depressed. there is like so much turmoil and frustration waiting to break free, unfold in the moment of breaking. so right now i'm just drowning myself in everything i do. SHIT HAPPENS.
we recently got back out results for promos. it's a long story, but in the end i got promoted. i was kinda disappointed that that happened. i know loads of people would be like "whatever" and all, but honestly when i first got my results, i thought i would so get retained. i had gotten only Es for history and lit, and S for Ki. i expected a U for econs, so that would have all totalled up to 25points, which would have gotten at best only conditional promotion (35 being the promotion point). and conditional was just not good enough for me. and this i could accept after the initial shock. i mean, i was all ready and even geared up to leave stinking jc and to move ON to poly to do mass comm and all. and then came the shocking twist worthy of a chinese drama serial. i had gotten 36 points in the end. the changes were that i had gotten S for econs (worth 5points) and E for Ki (an additional 5 points). when i heard and saw that i got promoted, honest to God i was quite disappointed. cos' my agreement with my parents was that i could only leave jc if i got retained. i had changed and cleared my mind from all this shit, to only be put back into it. for the record, i absolutely loathe jc. every single morning, i literally struggle to pull myself up to go to school. i do hope that as school closes in a week or so, i do get refreshed mentally and all, and that in the new school term next year, things will change for the better.
anyway. apart from academics everything else is ultra boring and stagnated ( and private) . Sam was telling me that we need girlfriends. the school holidays are going to be superbly busy (i've only 7 free days) due to council. i do miss water polo so much.
time has flew and the end of the year is nearing. this year has only sucked, and nothing good has come out of it. i mean the people in school are nice and all, but that's it, they're just nice, decent kids. (read: boring). i mean, without them, my life could have functioned pretty well without them. i think its the recluse in me that's finally rising up. and also because of the stupid shit i get from them. the ivory-towers they reside in, ultra self-righteous and critical. i mean, do i give a shit whether i missed lessons and let that affect you? you gotta be kidding. and still, i told sam that what has it going on for jc is the people. ironic huh. oh well, its just life.
By the way, this video and the petition it represents gets my stamp of approval. i'm not going to bother to explain my choice, i'm really too tired to do so. but still, as a cosmpolitian and advanced society, should we not be open to people's choices and preferences?
This song is super surreal. As i read the lyrics, (and licked my potato-chipped fingers), i felt like i was looking at a mirror. for all the times that i've withdrawwn away, put up those walls, this song talks about it all. i was talking to Mishuelle a long, long time ago (miss you babe), and she said she realised that i have so many good/close friends, but no one that i've ever poured my heart to ever. somehow even with my best friends, there are those walls that come up when someone ever comes near. thats why, you might know me, but don't Know me. this song is so good in expressing how i feel about it all, the frustration, the fear and yes, the insecurities.
Unfold -
what i can remember is alot like water trickling down a page of the most beautiful colors i can't quite put my finger down on the moment that i became like ... this
you see, i'm the bravest girl you will ever come to meet and yet i shrink down to nothing at the thought of someone really seeing me i think my heart is wrapped around and tangled up in winding weeds
but i don't wanna go on living being so afraid of showing someone else my.. imperfections even though my feet are trembling and every word i say comes stumbling i will bare it all.. watch me unfold unfold
these hands that i hold behind my back are bound and broken by my own doing and i can't feel anything, anymore i need a touch to remind me i'm still real..
my soul it's dying to be free i can't live the rest of my life so guarded it's up to me to choose.. what kind of life i lead.
cause i don't wanna go on living being so afraid of showing someone else my.. imperfections even though my feet are trembling and every word i say comes stumbling i will bare it all.. watch me unfold unfold
i will allow someone to love me i will allow someone to love me...
okay, so it's been awhile since we last met, and the power of the written word is evidently still strong and persuasive. the floods of posts around the blogosphere for exams encouragements and the like has prompted me to join the bandwagon. anyway, the promos are in a few days and the books are untouched, dusty and calling out. kudos to all who have opened theirs; hope you do well. for others in the same boat (sinking as PrisSu would call it), RETAIN is ever the likely option, or rather fate. but in the same manner i don't go to school, the unfeeling/apathetic/numbed heart of mine still reminds that life's too short for me to bother; i could die of worry. the clocks a-ticking, but somehow, my brain is miles away, unwilling and unwanted.
